Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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