the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
