Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm getting married
To pizza
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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