Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
