Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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