I am in a vortex of obligation.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
