i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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