she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
