okay pat passed out under dana's car
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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