Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
