he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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