Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
