im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
