he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My vagina just recognized that song.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My vagina is officially offended.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
