Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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