working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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