It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
