Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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