woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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