I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
