she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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