you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
