we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize