I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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