life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
