My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
