Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My cat gives me a boner
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
