i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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