You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
