So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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