I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She bit a glass in half.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
