He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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