1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
