Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
