its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
