I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
