Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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