i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
