I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
one might say we're banned from that church
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
