I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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