There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize