How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
