i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
