please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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