i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
