just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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