when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
