just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
