I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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