just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
