My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
