two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
