ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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