I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
