JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
