I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
