my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
