my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
