hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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