Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
