So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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