All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
